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Something New

I’ve just been diagnosed with BPPV and have created a separate blog about living with this condition.

Have a look if you have the time!

Sigh. Just when I thought things were looking up, life throws something else in my way.

I was watching Sesame Street videos with J when I came across this clip. I’ve never seen it before till today. It’s a really happy and joyful song, and I love the message it sends out.

One Year On

It’s been a year since neuropathy entered my life. This past year has been difficult. Living with pain 24/7 really changes you.

When I first found out what I had, I kept asking “Why me?” and “What did I ever do to deserve this??” I still have “why me” days but less often now; I try not to ask myself such questions as what purpose does doing so serve? There are no answers and focusing on things I have no control over only results in negative emotions. So I try to be as positive as I can.

Of course, I’ve had to make some changes to my life. I avoid spicy food (nerve goes crazy if I have just a taste), reduce my sugar intake (pain seems to go up after I have a sugar binge) and try to eat more fruits and vegetables (for general good health). Oh, and I avoid hard foods at all costs; I’m terrified of getting another cracked tooth. I also try to arrange activities in the morning when my pain is least, and keep afternoons and evenings as free as possible. Of course with a toddler in the house, I’m unable to be as free as I would like to be, but I try. I like to think that I’ve become less uptight about things as well. Stress ramps up pain for sure so I try to let small things go and relax as much as I can.

As horrible as neuropathy can be, I’m thankful for a few things. I feel lucky that I’m able to go through my days without relying on strong painkillers, some which I tried in the early days and made me unable to do absolutely anything. I’m also grateful that I have a husband who tries his best to understand my condition and who helps out whenever he can. And I’m also grateful for the help of my mother, who takes over babycare when I have bad days or need a break from things. Finally, I’m thankful that my husband and J are in good health. And to those who take the time to read my blog/leave comments/email, thank you so, so, so much. Your kind words and support have helped me more than I can say.

Nothing Much

I haven’t written anything for a while since nothing new/different/interesting has happened in my life the past two months.

Things are about the same with just some little ups and downs.

J finally settled into daycare when she caught HFMD and has to stay away for a few weeks till the outbreak clears. I can expect tears, and stress, again when she returns next week.

Pain wise, I’ve plateaued, and growing to accept this lifelong condition.

So that’s about it. Will write again should more dramatic events come along.

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Stress

The past two weeks have been stressful and emotionally exhausting. J started daycare and along with it came bad separation anxiety, my mother had a health issue which required testing at the hospital and I had a pregnancy scare which gave me sleepless nights.

Am really looking forward to a relaxing weekend.

Posted from WordPress for Android

At least I think so. The pain doesn’t seem as overwhelming as before and sometimes, I even forget about it. Hopefully that’s a sign that I’m getting better (or maybe I’m just getting used to it).

Obituaries

I’ve been looking at them everyday in the papers. Some have smiling faces, others look stern. I take note of their age and the loved ones they left behind. I wonder what these people were like, the lives they lived, and if they left in peace. Once in a while, I recognise someone.

I have been thinking about death a lot lately. I’m not afraid of death per se, but the process of dying. To not have a quick death, but to suffer, sometimes for years and years, would be agonising and terrifying. And perhaps more than the process, I’m terrified of what comes after death. What if there’s nothing…?

I reach out for the Bible on my bookshelf, but I hold back. I think of speaking to a priest, but I hold back. Maybe it’s time I didn’t.

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